Congratulations to me! I have hit the dating milestone I was most looking forward to: being stood up. And yes, it’s as terrible as they say it is.
I write this 112 minutes after I showed up for a date with a person I had seen four times prior. In online dating world, four is a magical fucking number. Also, this was DINNER. I had high hopes.
…92 minutes after I realized this person I liked was actually going to let me sit alone at a restaurant. That I was actually being stood up. This was happening.
…89 minutes after the waiter asked for my table. It was first come first serve and I hadn’t ordered anything. I almost bit his head off, but instead I nodded and left.
…84 minutes after walking in the rain back to a bus stop to go home. But, then the various stages of being stood up settled in: denial, anger, intense sadness. So, I grabbed a Lyft instead because hell no I am not being that person that loses their shit on a bus. I will choose to lose my shit in a car with one stranger like an ADULT.
…73 minutes after I got home and replayed everything in my head. It makes sense, Britt, there was a lot of bullshit. Then, he legit told you a few hours prior to standing you up that he’s torn between you and a pool table and tried to cancel your dinner plans. That he made. LAST TIME I CHECKED A POOL TABLE DOESN’T HAVE SEX WITH YOU. PRIORITIES!?!
…and 68 minutes after a total emotional breakdown and rollercoaster ride of ALL. THE. FEELINGS. Because no matter how much you love yourself, it still fucking hurts. Relationships hurt. A lot. Perks of being a self-diagnosed highly sensitive person.
I can still feel the sadness re-reading my last post about my not great dating experience. That was a hard time. This dating experience brings a different kind of sadness. What I learned from my last experience was that I assumed everything. What our relationship was, how they felt, what their actions meant. This time, I practiced vulnerability, said what I felt, and asked the questions I wanted to ask. So, why was I still upset?
…uh, DUH. It’s because having to deal with the emotions that come with ending something you know is bad for you is hard. You have to ask yourself if you’re strong enough to walk away from something that hurts you. You have to demand respect from others through your actions. Doing so involves confrontation and standing up for yourself.
Ya know what, though? We’re supposed to be uncomfortable. We’re meant to have tough conversations and learn from them. That is how we GROW. We can handle people’s standards and expectations for us to be good people. Being a good person means you take responsibility for your shitty actions.
I do not believe in taking the high road when people disrespect you. Check your bullshit at the door. The truth fucking hurts. Some people deserve a good ol’ fashioned, “fuck off”. Some people need for others to put them in their place. I fully expect and hope for people to put me in mine.
Buuuut, being a good person also means being able to be the BIGGER person. Forgive, learn how to communicate better, take responsibility for your own actions if you’re too harsh, and move forward. It’s gonna take me a minute – but eventually I hope dude who stood me up and I can be friends. We’re all just doing the best we can, right?
So friends, just a friendly reminder you’re not alone in this world. Even if you do crawl into your bed alone each night. Everything’s gonna be OK. I promise. If you have any self-doubt…ask yourself, “What would Frances do?”. Answer: TAKE NO SHIT AND SWALLOW MEN WHOLE, USING THEIR BONES AS UTENSILS (but also communicate before that happens).